It’s a comical thought that a non-alcoholic is writing an article based on what makes the perfect pub. Nostalgia that will help me through this. I used to drink. I also love eating a great meal. What better place to do so than the Pub. What would my perfect pub be?

For me the definition of a Public House is mostly to do with what it was designed to do by the Romans when they first created them: a place to obtain refreshment. This was then turned into Alehouses by the Anglo-Saxons for a place to drink and discuss the goings on in the village (no strays would be found in my perfect pub). Bushes surrounded Alehouses back then; they were kept to be placed on top of a large pole as a sign the brew was ready. Tactful, I would say - nowadays there are signs with fluorescent lighting inviting you in to get your footwear extremely sticky.

Pub signs of the UK pt. 1: The George

The sign would also be of great importance in my pub. The words ‘Ye’ and ‘Cock’ have to be in there. I want to uphold the traditional look of the pub. Perhaps the ale that the pub is most renowned for could provide the artwork for the sign.

The location would matter for me. As it is for me and no one else it would have to be in London. Even though the oldest pub is set somewhere in Hertfordshire, no one would want to go there for a social when they can go to the greatest city on earth and find the greatest pub on earth. An old backstreet in London, which from the outside would look rather small, but would function like an alcoholic’s TARDIS. There wouldn’t be a beer garden like the ones you find in the countryside, but a paved area outside with tables and chairs.

Put signs of the UK pt. 2: The Doric Arch

I think the only entertainment that I would have would be put on by one particular local when he had a few too many. Every local will know who he is and depending on the day, you know what mood to expect from this character (I name him Ralph). The only sounds apart from the voices of the people I’d be seated with would be pub songs sung by Ralph after a few too many. There was a time when gin played a great part in the life of a pub, getting you drunk and making you act erratic. It only seems right that my perfect pub has something of an element of danger to it. When it does kick off, Ralph will start sing his pub songs at a rather frantic pace, correlative to the amount of gin consumed by the locals.

Pub signs of the UK pt. 3: The Hazelwell

The perfect pub needs to be a gastro-pub in cash-strapped these times. Food is not the same as entertainment but it provides a key ingredient. I want to get away from that feeling of pub grub and snacks. Many will frown upon me eradicating the bar snack, but it’s my pub so they’ll have to live with it. The food will be traditional and old school. The food would be nothing fancy - traditional British food that will relate to the fine ales, wines and spirits being served. The ingredients will be from local suppliers, fresh and rustic. An east end tradition will be upheld in the form of vendors selling cockles, mussels, whelks and any other form of shellfish on closing time. Instead of eating at a local takeaway you can eat outside my pub.

So there we have it folks - the perfect pub, or shall I say the perfect gastro-pub, one that allows you to enjoy the real definition of a pub. I hope we agree upon this. I’ll have a Pie and a Pint. Under the circumstances, it’s only right!

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010 at 2:14 pm and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.