Dracula “mmmmmm general human things - nom nom nom.”

Dracula is a vampire and vampires are perceived as sexual symbols of lust but they are also supremely bad self-caterers, if you count ‘murder’ as bad self-catering. The lack of blood bars mean that unfortunately for Dracula he cannot come home from a night of work and sit in a dark and dodgy bar during the middle of the day and order a nice pitcher of chilled veiny blood with a dollop of clot.

Hannibal “mmmm brains - nom nom nom.”

Hannibal, the poor sod, only wanted chianti with a bit of chopped liver. Unfortunately for him, many if not all restaurants do not cater for his desired cuisine - homo sapien. Hannibal has to rely on making friends in his own inimitable way.

Doctor Who “mmmm…fish fingers and custard - nom nom nom”

There are many Facebook groups such as the ‘FISH FINGERS AND CUSTARD‘ page in particular, which insists on being titled with capital letters by its creator. These websites merely illustrate how insane this combination of food is, which is why it is unavailable in tinned versions or in local cafes. In the Doctor’s defence, however, eating fish fingers and custard together does not make him the worst self-caterer in this top 5 because he can make it himself at home and he can buy the ingredients at his local Budgens or Tesco Metro.

Edward Cullen “mmmm….nothing - nom nom nom”

In many people’s opinions, the ‘Twilight Saga’ is stupid and Stephanie Meyer should never have written it in the first place. However, her writing has given us another character to include in the top 5 worst fictional self-caterers. What makes Mr. Cullen particularly terrible is the fact that he does not eat anything and when he does he we never witness it. He is unable to ‘nom’, and a life without lemonade and grapes is shown in the first book where he sits with Bella in the restaurant and doesn’t order anything. Yet he is fascinated by watching her eat. Weird, huh?

Mr. and Mrs. Spoon “…”

Mr Spoon is from the children’s show ‘Button Moon’ and he is included in this top 10 alongside his wife, Mrs. Spoon, because they don’t even have a digestive system or a mouth, thus making them, probably, the worse self-caterers on this list. They have the inability to enjoy or even sample food and drink.

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